Obama's Secret History

Of course, I suspect the dark hand of arch-genius and neo-con overlord Karl Rove.

Could it be possible that Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and Vice President Dick Cheney share a common ancestor?

Cheney's wife Lynne says yes.

In an interview on MSNBC Tuesday afternoon, Mrs. Cheney said that in the course of researching her husband's genealogy for her new book, "Blue Skies, No Fences," she discovered that the two public figures share an ancestor eight generations ago.

Obama, darling of the progressives, a blood relation of Dick Cheney? I can almost hear the wails of liberal anguish from here. But wait! There's more-

But Obama's family ties to the Bush administration don't stop with Cheney. According to an article in the Chicago Sun-Times last September, Obama is also an 11th cousin of the president himself.

And there you have it- Rove's oh-so-cunning plan stretching back generations to take over America. Could it be that the Illuminati are also involved? Think about it for a moment- who else has the foresight and power to put this plan into action? If Obama isn't in on it himself, then he's nothing more than an elaborate Manchurian Candidate whose presidency was planned eight generations ago. And in one fell swoop it's revealed just why a no experience, nobody with absolutely zero qualifications to run the United States of America has been propelled by Big Media from obscurity to challenge a Clinton for the White House; he's a Karl Rove plant.

[pause to adjust tinfoil hat]